METAL PULP AND PAPER: Hello Rob 'Rawrb' Kersey. So glad to be catching up with you. Thank you for taking the time to speak with us at Metal Pulp And Paper. We appreciate it.
ROB 'RAWRB' KERSEY: Yeh.
MPAP: How are you, how are you doing?
ROB: I'm currently kinda hungry.
MPAP: So, before we get to the meat and potatoes of this interview, or whatever you might want to call it, especially once you get to the end of it and scratch your head, tell us all about what happened for you and your band Psychostick in the year 2018? What all did you accomplish?
ROB: Did a bunch of touring, released a new album called "Do," answered interview questions, you know - the usual.
MPAP: Was there anything that you might not have gotten to this year that you regret not being able to do?
ROB: I didn't get to go into outer space. Super pissed about that.
MPAP: Now give us a little preview of what we might expect to happen in the year 2019 for Psychostick?
ROB: More videos, probably some new songs, some shows, and a few interviews. Oh, lots of kale. KAAAAALE.
MPAP: Ok, kale, moving on. You’ve probably already done a ton of interviews this year, and all those interviewers out there have probably already asked all the great questions with you of course. So, why should I even bother to think of anything to ask you. Let’s change things up since it is almost the end of the year. Let’s do something different and put 2018 to bed and start waking up 2019. How about it, you down?
MPAP: So, what I’m going to do is, I’m going to pull some news headlines from all directions and get your thoughts on them and get your first reactions. And, if you don’t have a response, well then, make something up. Who cares, right?
MPAP: So, here we go. All you at home, you better buckle up, because it’s going to get a little bumpy right now. Ready, one, two, three, go… The first headline I see, and this is fresh off the press. 'Cannibal Corpse guitarist arrested for burglary as ammo explodes inside his burning Tampa Bay, Florida home.' Wow not only is this one crazy, especially if you read the whole story, but this is sad as well. Something has seriously gone wrong with Pat recently. What’re your thoughts on this story?
ROB: I dunno. I keep all of my ammo in Miami, so this was a bad move. Get your shit together Pat!
MPAP: Now this story is bound to piss a lot of people off. Going to combine two stories together. Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine and Rammstein’s guitarist say, 'Rock Is Dead.' Adam recently said in an interview, 'rock music is nowhere,' declaring hip-hop is 'better than everything else.' Man, those are almost some fighting words, wouldn’t you say?
ROB: Clearly, they haven't tried comedy rock or comedy metal. Slackers. Let's hear 'em write a song about tacos! What's wrong, Adam and Rammstein's guitarist? Scared? You should be.
MPAP: Here’s another recent headline: Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" is the most-streamed song from the 20th century. Can that be true? You have to say your songs "Beer," and "NSFW," have to be a close 2nd, right?
ROB: Definitely. We're neck and neck! Speaking of, I gotta see if I can afford another box of ramen. Man, I might even get flavored ramen this year! Oooh fancy!
MPAP: 'Witchrot, the band that broke up after the guitarist had sex with his bandmate's girlfriend, is not breaking up after all... and their drummer is not dead!'
ROB: I'm unfamiliar with Witchrot and their sexual proclivities/mortality. I know, I know - shame on me.
MPAP: Nominees for next year's Grammy Awards include Guns N' Roses, Ghost, Trivium, and Between The Buried And Me. Does anyone even really care?
ROB: Someone does, I think. Probably that Grammy guy. Man, he's well connected!
MPAP: Ok, next one. Radio station pulls the song "Baby It’s Cold Outside" because a listener found the song written in 1944 sexist and called it a rape song. Really?
ROB: Yes, really. That listener definitely exists! I don't even know that song though, so I can't confirm if there are rape-ish qualities.
MPAP: Hold on my friend; it only gets worse. A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is being accused of racism because of where the character Franklin is sitting at the dinner table. It’s a damn Christmas cartoon!
ROB: You're right! It IS a cartoon! Here I was thinking it was CG...
MPAP: I want to say it stops there, but it doesn’t. It’s getting worse. Another holiday classic is facing controversy after some viewers deemed it inappropriate. What did they find inappropriate? Get this, because Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer was getting bullied because of his red nose. Facepalm, what’s going on here?
ROB: He was getting bullied, so... I say let Rudolph exact his revenge. Did you know we wrote a song about that called, "Red Snow?" Did you!?
MPAP:Disturbed's David Drainman said this, 'People are addicted to being offended.’ Do you agree with him?
ROB: I think people have always been offended. Now they're more outspoken due to the internet and social media. Also, "DRAIN MAN" sounds like a Mega Man villain.
MPAP: Here's another headline: 'Stormy Daniels ordered to pay President Trump $293,000 in fees in a defamation lawsuit.' Ouch?
ROB: I like that name Stormy. It's nifty.
MPAP: And then this is cool if you were a cool teenager back in the glory days of MTV, Celebrity Deathmatch is in the works to be brought back to the music television station, Yah, or nah on this?
ROB: S'aight. I don't think it'll have the same impact as it did back then.
MPAP: Then this headline was weird, 'Strange waves rippled around the world, and nobody knows why.' Instruments picked up the seismic waves more than 10,000 miles away, but bizarrely, nobody felt them. Can you explain this? What do you think happened?
ROB: Physics, man! PHYSICS! That's what happened. It's always physics! You hear me, STORMY DANIELS?
MPAP: And last but not least, there was this headline; 'Electric scooters are being dumped in a California lake, despite the scooter’s popularity exploding.' It makes you wonder why this even made the headlines when there is so much better stuff out there to report about?
ROB: Man, I want a scooter. Here's a headline: 'Lead Vocalist of small-ish comedy band wants a goddamn Scooter!" Print that one!
MPAP: By all means, we will. Well, Rawrd, we could go on for hours doing this, but I think this is the right spot for us to end this headline madness, correct?